Dusty Dreams

My best friend sits across from me, his guitar in his lap. It rings out softly. I’ve grown so used to seeing him play it that at this point it seems almost one with him. He transitions from fingerpicking to chords and back again effortlessly, like a kid walking through a flower field, confidently choosing whatever path feels best at the moment, because each will be beautiful. I’m in awe of his ability.

By contrast, whenever I pick up an instrument, I feel as though I am just a lost little dude gazing up at a terrifying, rocky mountain, strewn with the corpses of all my past attempts. Some of those versions of myself made it farther up the mountain and caught some hopeful glimpses of what could be before dying an undignified death. Most of the time, I just stare up at the mountain and don’t even try to start. It’s just too much.

In my (admittedly short) life, I have already come across many who appear to share my friend’s life. They seem to waltz through life with ease, displaying their genius talents, while praise showers upon them from the heavens. Meanwhile, my guitar sits in a corner along with a pile of my other dusty dreams, covered with hipster stickers that I thought would somehow motivate me to become a naturally cool campfire guitarist (like my friend).

  Gosh darn it.

At this point you might be thinking, “Dude. Thanks for reminding me that I’m a boring person and everyone is better than me.” If you’re not thinking that, you either have an excellent perspective on life, or you’re extremely arrogant. One of those is awesome, and I’m proud of you. Genuinely. The other, not so much. My point is, if you do relate to that statement, you’re not alone. Literally, as I am writing this, my friend is writing a song. Writing a song. Do you realize how much talent and hard work that takes? (A lot). Anyways.

Can I ask you a question?

What are your dreams? Not like “I wanna be an astronaut” dreams (apologies to any aspiring astronauts. You’re still loved). The little ones. Like “I’d like to get better at cooking,” or “Mandolin would be a fun instrument,” or “I need to brush my teeth more.” Ok, while you’re thinking about them, write them down. Seriously. And do it from now on. I promise, it helps. After you do that, I have three thoughts for you that might help you pursue those little dreams.

First, look out to lift up. We all look at other people. This whole post started because I was looking at my friend. But all too easily, we become frustrated and start pushing down others to make ourselves feel better. And if you’re thinking, “Sammy, it’s ok. I don’t actually say anything to them,” I have some sad news for you: you’re still gonna feel horrible. And if you don’t push other people down, there’s a chance that you’re going to beat yourself up instead and compare your failures to learn guitar to corpses on a mountainside…

Instead, throw somebody a kind word. Some people do have more talent than others, but everyone who is good at something had to work for it. And they probably had some pretty discouraging days in that process. If you recognize hard work, shout it out. Not only are you going to make their day a little brighter, you’re also going to brighten up yours. Weirdly enough, when you share a little sunshine with someone else, you end up with more than you began with. Sunshine rocks.

Second, accept that you are going to suck. You remember my super talented friend who seems to be part guitar at this point? Yeah, he started by learning a Minecraft song, which consisted of him playing that song and only that song for about two months straight until his family developed acoustic trauma. The first time I ever tried to make dumplings, I burned them so badly that I thought they had merged with the pan and were now bonded on an atomic level. When you try something new, you are most likely going to be very bad at it.

We unfortunately have been taught that we are destined to succeed, that we are owed happiness, and a lot of other garbage. With that mindset, failure feels like a horrible curse, a sort of ominous sign that we are doing the wrong thing. Even worse than that, success is taken for granted and all the joy is sucked out of it because it was just “supposed to happen.” Imagine this: you set your sights on tomorrow being a beautiful, sunny day with a gentle breeze that is going to tousle your hair like a movie star in a slo-mo shot. And then, a bunch of other people tell you the same thing. It’s going to happen. It has to happen.

And then it rains. And the wind is so strong that you get wet even when you try to be healthy and step outside for a breath of air on your covered porch.

Not great, right?

Now imagine the opposite: it’s supposed to be a horrible day, but then the sun breaks over the horizon in the morning and rules the day unchallenged. It’s fantastic!

What I’m saying is, lower your expectations. It’s just more realistic. But here’s the fun thing: that mindset makes life more vibrant. Those random daffodils that you didn’t know you had in your garden? Amazing! That time your friend took out the trash for you even though it was your turn? Wonderful! Those homemade cookies that your supervisor brought from home? Scrumptious! And it’s the same with those dreams of yours. There’s going to be a lot of boring because that’s just the way life is. But boring doesn’t mean bad, so don’t run away from a dream just because practicing chords doesn’t exactly match up with your vivid mental image of you shredding on stage while fans pass out from pure adoration.

Finally, prune (for now). If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of dreams. I love learning new skills, ideas, and facts, and I want to put them to good use. Fortunately, we can only do so much in a day. So simplify it a little bit. Some dreams are just going to have to wait, and that’s ok. Some of them you might not even get to in this life, and that is also ok. Rather than trying to fill up every single microscopic area of your life with goals and ideas, just stick with a few for now and write down the others for future reference.

I’ll probably never be as good of a guitar player as my friend across the room. I’m mostly ok with that. There’s a bit of a learning curve to accepting limitations, but I’m growing slowly. Maybe one day, I’ll pick up that guitar and it will finally become part of my daily life. But until then, it’s going to continue gathering dust in a corner with some of my other dreams. I’m a little busy at the moment. There’s a short list of things that I am working on right now, and I am happy to keep it that way.